Presence

Careful & Full of Care

March 5, 2022

There was something special about the clouds and sky at the park the other day. Because every post needs a photo, even if it has nothing to do with the writing that follows.

I want to be more careful.

But that is not quite the right word.

Maybe “Care Full” is better.

I want to show care and thoughtfulness in a fuller way. A bigger way.

I want to check in with the birds who visit my front yard more often. Once a week doesn’t seem to be enough. Snow was in the forecast, so I went out and refilled the sunflower seed feeders and finch food sacks this week, something which I usually do on Sundays. I emptied the birdbath and brought the saucer inside to clean. I scrubbed the green growth off it and refilled it with fresh water. That felt like being more “care full” with the birds.

With Fat Cat, it’s meant scooping his litter box every morning before we leave the house. This has also been a gift for me, since it makes it less likely that he will track wet kitty litter all over the house and leave muddy paw prints on the bathroom floor.

I’ve resolved to take better care of my car. I’m washing and vacuuming it at least once a month. That might not seem like much, but it’s a marked improvement over what I’ve done in the past.

So many things that I want to take better care of.

But also.

(Maybe more importantly?)

I want to be take fuller, better care of myself.

This is where my “care full” idea breaks down.

Because sometimes the best thing for me might be to let go and do less. Continue Reading…

Featured

Another Way to Ruin Your Day

February 26, 2022

My daughter spent her holiday President’s Day weekend last week camping with friends in Big Sur. They arrived late Friday evening after a long drive up from Los Angeles. She texted me that she arrived safely, and then I didn’t hear anything more from her the rest of the weekend.

Radio silence.

I am spoiled, I guess, because I am used to daily contact with her. Not that we talk everyday. But we exchange a text, or a Snapchat, or (the newest app that she encouraged me to sign up for) a “Be Real” moment, where you snap a photo of whatever you are doing at the time that the app sends you a prompt. Through “Be Real,” I get a glimpse of the ordinary moments of her days: when she is at Trader Joe’s shopping for groceries, or walking to class, or sitting in her room on her bed reading. She can also see me: cutting carrots in the kitchen or trying to start the fire after a long day away.

I like “Be Real.”  The easy contact is regular and comforting.

Big Sur sunset. While I was worrying, she was living.

I knew that cell phone service on the coast can be spotty. I knew that her phone might run out of battery (and I mentally chastised myself for forgetting to buy her a solar cell phone charger for Christmas. We talked about that and decided it would be a good purchase. But I never followed through.)

I wasn’t too concerned when I didn’t hear from her Saturday. Or Sunday. But by Monday? I was anxious to connect again. I worked Monday. Had four massages. Confess that I was distracted as the afternoon wore on. Wondered if my clients could sense the stress in my hands, as my phone stayed silent, no text notifications coming through.

Thought a lot about when I should reasonably expect to hear from her. Continue Reading…