Presence

Resistance Is Futile

March 12, 2022

Went on a short run yesterday, not the run that I planned, but the run I could do. (This will make more sense in a minute.) Stopped on my way up the hill to take a photo.  Grateful for these trees that surround me everyday.

Possibly I am getting a little better at ignoring the maddening sense of resistance that inevitably shows up when I think about doing something that is good for me, something that I theoretically want to do, but which is sometimes a little difficult and often very much not fun at the outset.

Like running.

(Confession: “Running” is not the best word for what I do.)

I jog.

Slowly.

My Nike Running App includes a helpful pace chart, and I have to scroll for an hour before I finally find my mile time, right near the end. There are not many paces slower than mine. Maybe one. Which is fine. But it just confirms that I am not speedy.

(But we are going to call what I do “running” for simplicity’s sake).

Running is good for me. I don’t like it much at the beginning, I don’t usually love it in the middle, but I am always happy at the end. And it’s not just because I’ve logged a few miles on my phone. There’s something about being outside and moving through space and being among the trees that makes my heart happy. It’s also good for my heart, at least that’s what my doctor tells me.

I rarely want to do it in the minutes before I lace up my shoes, though.

I can find so many reasons why today is not a good day for a run after all, why tomorrow would be better. I’m tired, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, it’s windy, the dog is tired, it might rain, it’s muddy, it’s dry.

This is a reliable occurrence, basically like clockwork. The time for my run arrives, and I do not want to do it. Continue Reading…

Presence

Careful & Full of Care

March 5, 2022

There was something special about the clouds and sky at the park the other day. Because every post needs a photo, even if it has nothing to do with the writing that follows.

I want to be more careful.

But that is not quite the right word.

Maybe “Care Full” is better.

I want to show care and thoughtfulness in a fuller way. A bigger way.

I want to check in with the birds who visit my front yard more often. Once a week doesn’t seem to be enough. Snow was in the forecast, so I went out and refilled the sunflower seed feeders and finch food sacks this week, something which I usually do on Sundays. I emptied the birdbath and brought the saucer inside to clean. I scrubbed the green growth off it and refilled it with fresh water. That felt like being more “care full” with the birds.

With Fat Cat, it’s meant scooping his litter box every morning before we leave the house. This has also been a gift for me, since it makes it less likely that he will track wet kitty litter all over the house and leave muddy paw prints on the bathroom floor.

I’ve resolved to take better care of my car. I’m washing and vacuuming it at least once a month. That might not seem like much, but it’s a marked improvement over what I’ve done in the past.

So many things that I want to take better care of.

But also.

(Maybe more importantly?)

I want to be take fuller, better care of myself.

This is where my “care full” idea breaks down.

Because sometimes the best thing for me might be to let go and do less. Continue Reading…