Presence, Security

Confessions of an Under-Buyer

December 16, 2023

These are not my work shoes, but mine might be getting close to this.

I first heard the term “under-buyer” years ago on Gretchen Rubin’s “Happier” podcast. Rubin has all kinds of tests that are designed to help you know yourself better. Apparently, there are two types of folks in the world: under-buyers and over-buyers. Over-buyers, according to Rubin, are “stressed because they’re hemmed in by stuff. They don’t have enough storage space or they can’t find what they have.” Under-buyers, on the other hand, “feel stressed because they don’t have the things they need. They’re surrounded with things that are shabby, don’t really work, or aren’t exactly suitable.”

I am an under-buyer.

Which means that sometimes my things are a little shabby.

One look at the work shoes I’ve been wearing the past few years would convince you of this. They have not been shiny for as long as I can remember and are gradually coming unsewn. I’ve been trying, honestly, to find new ones. But everything I have found so far hurts my feet. I’ve bought and then had to return two pairs of black work shoes so far (Zappos! DSW!) which is painful, not only for my feet, but because it is disappointing and time consuming to keep shipping things back and forth, since I found both of them online.

My work shoes are not the only things falling apart. A perfect storm of falling apart things hit my life this month.

In this season of giving, I have found myself spending an annoying amount of money. On myself.

This is partly because I have the Kohl’s sale calendar memorized. Every year, they mark down their unmentionables (aka underwear) on Black Friday to the lowest prices of the year. So every year for the past few years, I’ve sprung for much needed new unmentionables. I also wear my running shoes longer than I should, so I finally purchased a new pair of running shoes, too. Thankfully, my new running shoes fit, partially because I order the exact same model every time. I will be in trouble if the shoe company ever decides to “improve” my shoe model, because inevitably those changes make it so that the shoes don’t fit me right anymore.

What else did I need that I bought recently?

A new Costco comforter, because I realized that the one on my bed was fifteen years old and wasn’t doing the job anymore. I was waking up cold. A new comforter is much cheaper in the long run than running the portable heater in my room at night.

A specialty birdfeeder, because the bear ate my other one, and I was tired of the jays and big birds hogging the feeder that I do have. The new one is designed especially for smaller birds.

New ears. (Well. Not exactly) But I finally had an appointment to get established with a new ear doctor after four months of waiting, and there were several co-pays that went along with that, along with a surprising charge because he kindly offered to dewax my ears. I assumed that this would be part of the visit, but that one minute procedure added a surprising amount to my bill.

Finally? A pair of black work pants, because my old ones were purchased when my college graduate daughter was in third grade.

Rubin encourages under-buyers to “buy what you need, without procrastination! Don’t wait for your ski trip to buy ski gloves!”

I  did not enjoy this shopping, but sometimes you don’t have a choice. Luckily for me, just about all of those purchases were made online. Because I would rather stick a candy cane in my eye (apparently this is my new favorite saying) than go to the mall at this time of year. The truth is that nobody else can buy shoes or unmentionables or pants for me. I wish there was a way to make this easier. Maybe simply following Rubin’s advice, “to buy what I need without procrastination”? To remember that I matter. Because making sure that I have sturdy shoes, work pants, a warm comforter and healthy ears is an important part of taking care of myself.

(And the hunt for work shoes continues.)

Power, Presence

The Christmas Cry Edition

December 9, 2023

This is where the tree was. No sign of it anymore. It’s like it never existed.

So many things can break your heart.

There was the sign I saw on a telephone pole near the park this week with the picture of a beloved cat. “Papa misses him,” it said, with a picture of the cat’s elderly owner holding him in his arms.

And then there was that empty place at the park where they cut down a giant oak tree. It was big enough for children to climb into it, to curl up in its massive branches, all spreading out from its trunk. I loved that tree, said hello to it every time I passed it on the half-mile walking path that circles the park. There are lots of trees at the park, but this one was special. Until one day they had the trail blocked off, and the tree came down. They completely removed its giant stump the other day. You would never know that there had been a beautiful tree there. I remember it, though. It feels important to remember it.

What else is breaking my heart these days? Little things. The last of the falling leaves. Barren trees. The deserted swimming pool. My dying perennial flowers. Stupid Christmas songs.

The news will also break your heart, of course.

Maybe all our hearts are breaking a little now.

Which isn’t the best timing, it being December and weeks until Christmas and isn’t this supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year” and all?

My favorite priest Richard Rohr says that God comes to us in great love and also (unfortunately, if you ask me) in great suffering. Rohr adds that if you find great love, then sorrow and suffering will surely trail along behind it and tap you on the shoulder to introduce themselves at some point, that it’s inevitable.

I woke up one morning this week and my neck hurt. I had a centering prayer session, but it seemed like a waste of time, since I was mostly wrapped up in my very many not so helpful thoughts. I also think I am getting a cold. So my throat is sore and I took a Covid test and it was negative, but my mind is a little fuzzy and my neck still isn’t quite right.

Oh! And it’s almost Christmas! And what am I doing about that?

As it turns out, I am not doing much.

I am trying to be OK with that.

So I will let my heart break over all the things that are heartbreaking in our world right now: lost cats, fallen trees, dying flowers. These may seem like small things compared to all that is happening on a global scale, but that doesn’t make them any less significant. I can hold that pain and also, maybe a little (because it is almost Christmas, after all), remember the point of all of this Christmas hubbub in the first place. That a long time ago there was a baby who was an actual baby who grew up and walked around on the planet in real time and was basically murdered for loving everyone. But then (as the story goes), he didn’t stay dead. There was resurrection. Which is where my hope comes from, if there is any hope at all. Because otherwise? I tell you, friends, it’s looking pretty grim out there.

Resurrection hope means that all the things that we’ve loved and lost will somehow, someday, be restored. This includes forests that have been clear cut for profit and single oak trees at the local park that were probably cut for a good reason but whose absence wrecks me. Missing cats will come home, and extinct dodo birds and passenger pigeons will take to the sky again.  All the invasive plants will go back to where they belong; California will be star thistle and Himalayan blackberry free. The plastic will disappear from the oceans. Leatherback turtles will flourish. The lion will lay down with the lamb. Swords will be beaten into ploughshares and spears into pruning hooks.

Sure wish I knew how that was going to happen.

One thing I know, though? However it happens, it will surely be in a way that I would never expect. Just like nobody ever expected that the divine would come to us as a baby who would be born in a stable and die on a cross. That death? You would have thought that was the end. Surely it was the end! Except it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all.

It’s the kind of thing that brings hope to a broken heart at Christmas.