Daily Grace, Presence

Not So Clever (And Also a Skunk)

July 13, 2024

They look like rocks, but these are actually seals at MacKerricher State Park, one of my favorite places on the planet. We got to go to the ocean last week. It was an adventure.

I thought I was so clever.

Fort Bragg, where we spent four lovely, cool nights last week, hosts a glorious Fourth of July fireworks display every year on the first Saturday of the month. Also, they hold the “World’s Largest Salmon BBQ” on that day,  a fundraiser for the local salmon foundation. I love to time our annual ocean trip so that we can enjoy both of these.

So it wasn’t our first time at the fireworks show. The city sets off the majority of them, explosions of light and sound and color. Private citizens add their own touches, too. They sail boats out into the harbor and fire off their own. These start before the main part of the show, are breathtaking, and keep hundreds of folks in the audience entertained while waiting for the main show to start. If you park near the event, there is a $20 charge. We parked just outside the gates by Taco Bell and walked in.

So did many other people.

Clever, we all are!

There was a gigantic traffic jam after the show as all the people who paid tried to exit the park at the same time. But not us! We walked speedily out to the car, crossed the street, and buckled up.

“Maybe we should sit for a second and get our bearings?” my wise son suggested.

“No!” I said. “We need to get on the road so we can beat all this traffic!”

Because not surprisingly, many, many people enjoy the annual Fort Bragg fireworks extravaganza.

Unfortunately, we were parked facing away from the road that we needed. And to turn left? That would take us back toward the main part of town. And that was where most of the traffic would be heading, I was sure. We were staying south of town, a few miles beyond Mendocino. There was no reason to get into traffic that was heading back to Fort Bragg.

So because I am clever I turned right.

Ha! I thought. All these people in a traffic jam going the other way!

Except what I didn’t realize was that the roads that would have led me back to the highway and our cabin were closed. By the police. We passed them, one by one, and they were all blocked off. Continue Reading…

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Somebody Hates Me

June 29, 2024

The river only flows forward. A photo my daughter took at Yosemite National Park.

I made a promise I cannot keep. I said a thing I cannot fix. Truly. It cannot be fixed without causing more harm to everyone involved, including me.

In our centering prayer time recently, we listened to a poem from Kahlil Gibran called “The River Cannot Go Back.”

“Nobody can go back. To go back is impossible in existence,” Gibran writes.

The river runs and flows and can only go forward.

Nobody can go back.

Which means that sometimes there is no fixing.

The good news (if I hold onto it) is that the river always and forever empties into the ocean of God’s mercy. All I can do is hold in my heart the person that I hurt and trust that there will be mercy for them, mercy for me: that I can let it go.

All my failures, all my mistakes.

Let them go.

Let them go and trust that all is held and will be put right somehow, someday. As much as I fear that I’ve ruined things, that I should not, cannot, will not be forgiven? The mercy river flows on, always for all of us. Even me.

It does not seem that there will ever be mercy or forgiveness for me from this person, but the mercy that streams from the Divine cannot be stopped.

Mercy from the Divine who loves all of us. Mercy from me for me.

I can learn to forgive myself. I can embrace forgiveness and pull it close and let it surround and enfold me like a cloak.

May the pain that I caused heal, and may I trust that healing will come, as sure and certain as dawn follows the night. May I know deep in my bones that it won’t be through me, it can’t come through me: not through my words or actions or trying to fix, although I sure wish there was another way. May the pain that this causes me heal, too. May I forgive and love myself.

Amen and amen.

Come, Lord Jesus.