A Hierarchy of Weeds

This is what my shoes looked like the other day after pulling just a few more weeds before the trash collectors came. Now you know why foxtails are at the top of my evil weed hierarchy? You can also see some of the evil Velcro burr weeds, too. They love to attach to my shoelaces.

All weeds are not created equal. Some are more evil than others. There are things growing in my yard that many people consider to be weeds, like dandelions. In my weed hierarchy, dandelions are not weeds to worry about. They can stay and bloom and spread as much as they want, thank you very much. Dandelions do not have burrs or stickers that get into my socks or into Biscuit’s paws. Dandelions have yellow flowers that support pollinators in early spring. Dandelions are a golden gift.

Our trash company sends out a coupon that allows us to put out extra bins and bags on one regular trash day during May or June. I always aim for the last Friday in June, since that gives me the maximum amount of time to gather the evil weeds from my yard. The evil weeds are clever, though. The Velcro burr weeds (otherwise known as hedgeparsley) tend to grow close to my California poppies. Sometimes, when I try to yank one up, I grab a poppy by mistake.

A look at some of the weeds in the trash cans that I put out last Friday

The Velcro burr weed is close to the top of my evil weed hierarchy. It is up there with the yellow clover plant that spreads along the ground with innocent-looking flowers that turn into terrible burrs. When I walk with Biscuit around our little town, I try to stay on the road and scan for patches of burrs along the side. The yellow clover burrs have been wicked this season. We can barely walk down the street without him stopping to sniff something on the side. He then inadvertently steps on a clover burr and comes back to me limping. So we have to stop; I examine his paw and pull out a sticker or two, courtesy of the yellow clover demon.

Then there are the foxtails. Foxtails are at the top of my list; they are the worst. I had a massage client once whose husband was a veterinarian. She told me that “foxtails put our kids through college.” Great. Just great. Foxtails end up in Biscuit’s paws and also in his ears, and unlike the clover burrs, they are nearly impossible for me to locate and take care of. We’ve spent hundreds of dollars over the years, taking him to the vet to have foxtails removed. Milo, our fat cat, has a vet appointment next week for his annual checkup, but we had to wait several weeks to get on the schedule because the receptionist apologetically said, “It’s foxtail season. We’re pretty busy.”

I’ve spent many hours over the years dealing with these weeds and also with the invasive Himalayan blackberries that dominate good parts of my property. The one good thing about the blackberries, though? They keep other evil weeds away. Once the blackberries are gone, if you don’t plant something you want there, the bad weeds will find a way to flourish. I think this is why people plant groundcovers like vinca (also evil, if you ask me), Aaron’s Beard (also known as St. John’s Wort), or ivy.

I’ve managed to eradicate a good chunk of blackberries from part of my property. The bad weeds have popped up, but also some weeds that are not as bad. There’s a kind of grass that is not native but which doesn’t have burrs or thorns that has taken over part of the hillside. All right, I guess. It can stay for now. Another example of a weed that I’ve decided to ignore? Chicory. It has a lovely blue flower but also has a deep, deep taproot that is nearly impossible to pull out. It doesn’t hurt Biscuit. It can stay for now.

A few of the larkspur that have sprung up all around my yard. They may be a teensy bit invasive, but they do not have thorns or stickers, so they can stay!

There are daisies which have planted themselves in my backyard, and while they can be invasive, they are a welcome change to the weeds that were there before. Also? They are pretty. As long as I keep an eye on them and don’t let them rule my garden world, I will let them grow. A few years ago, I had a little plot in a local community garden and brought home some native California larkspur seeds. These flowers have flourished all around my yard and are spreading in areas where only weeds grew before. They are lovely.

I’ve lived in this little corner of the world for 12 years now. I’ve written before about my struggle to remove the evil weeds from my property. Every year, spring comes, and I go outside with a silly kind of hope that maybe there won’t be as many as in past years. Have I made the Velcro burr weed extinct? No. But maybe there are fewer? I’m starting to understand that these weeds will (probably) (most likely) always be with me. So I will continue to have multiple trash cans full of weeds to put out for the trash collectors on the last Friday in June.

It’s a process, a journey, part of loving a tiny patch of this earth, one that was decimated by mining many years ago. So I plant poppy seeds by the pound, notice when oak trees are sprouting, and do my best to care for them—for the native things that try to grow in a place where invasive blackberries and evil weeds used to be.