Grace like Rain

This week, we had rain like this. Photo by Khamkéo on Unsplash

It is raining hard today—another atmospheric river making its way through our part of the state. We don’t complain about rain in California; we’ve lived through too many droughts to ever do that. But this rain? It’s intense. The forecast is promising nearly another week of showers, but not much snow, yet, as these storms are warm ones.

I don’t think that Biscuit has even gone outside to take care of his business. That’s how fierce the rain is. I somehow made it to town for a little work and then, afterwards, bravely trekked down to Costco. It wasn’t the best day for a Costco trip, but sometimes, you just have to take advantage of a free afternoon, especially when you are running low on kitty litter. So you slow down on the freeway since water was pooling, and think good thoughts for the cars who race past. The CalTrans highway signs warned that the speed limit was 55 mph, because of the wooly weather, and that the highway patrol would be ticketing people who ignored it, which was just about everybody. The only patrol cars I saw, though, were those that had pulled off to the side of the freeway to help drivers who had gotten into an accident.

So I was extra happy to finally get home today. It’s always nice to get home after a day out and about, but on a day when the rain is pouring and the roads are dicey—it’s even more welcome. It takes a few extra trips from the car to the house after a Costco run, to bring in the groceries, so I was dripping by the time everything was safely settled inside. That feeling, though? Of shedding my rain coat and rain boots, of taking the big towel that was by the front door to wipe down Biscuit’s wet paws, and finally getting inside, making a cup of tea, and sitting here, to write? Just lovely.

Maybe I am changing a little, in some good ways. These recent months, when I stopped worrying about my daily step count, in order to let my knee heal, were helpful. My knee is finally feeling better, so I’m enjoying longer walks again (I still haven’t been brave enough to think about running, though). I think the months of less walking, and the grace that I had to give myself in order to feel good about them–that grace is moving into other parts of my life.

I had a day this week that was long and tiring. It started early with an important Zoom call and was followed by a busy day of massages, six in all. I didn’t get home until after 6:00 pm. By then, it was dark, too dark to take a walk, and I was exhausted. My step count for that day—less than 1000 steps. There was a time when this number would have depressed me. There was a time when I would have put on my shoes, in the dark, the cold, the rain, to get a few more steps in. But the other day? I didn’t. And I felt just fine.

Grace upon grace upon grace. Grace pouring down, from the Divine that loves me, loves all of us. Always. The Divine has done nothing but ladle out grace. It’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me that hasn’t grabbed onto grace, that hasn’t thought I was worthy of it. Worthy of rest. Worthy of taking a night off, of ignoring the step count on my phone. I think that time is passing. It’s just a small thing that I’m grateful for tonight–that and the rain this week that poured down, poured down like grace.